DR. STRANGELOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND PEE NEXT TO A PORN STAR
So, there I was, in my car, sitting outside of a strip club... in broad daylight. While many of you would like to believe this is a norm for me, I assure you, this is not a place or situation that I tend to frequent on most Sunday afternoons. Anyway, I had time to kill. So, what does a grown man do with a free thirty minutes outside of an exotic dance club? Pokémon GO, of course. Well, at least back when this story takes place anyway. Oddly enough there was a gym within reach, so my available time wouldn't go to waste. Grapes Woman Sculpture it was called, and it now belonged to Team Instinct!
As soon as the gym was mine a bunch of randos joined in on the fun. It quickly jumped levels and was occupied by multiple monsters. One of which was owned by Evanstonexxx, which made me laugh considering the locale. Like, I get it, I'm at a porn convention, but could THE Evan Stone actually be playing an augmented reality pocket monster game from inside a strip club? Wheather I wanted to or not, now there was no turning back, I had to brave the glitter infested floors and find out.
While the TEXXXAS expo, that was held at Cover Girls on West Little York, wasn't too much to look at, the crowd was obviously pleased with the layout and limited turnout of stars. Some of the guests listed to appear were Ron Jeremy, Katie Morgan and, my personal favorite, Dillon Harper. While I didn't see ANY of these people, which was extremely disappointing considering they were all advertised, I had a new task at hand... finding Evan Stone.
As I mentioned above, the cast of talent was somewhat lackluster. I talked to a few guests to pass the time, but once I had made a few rounds I retired to a dark corner for some more gaming. I felt kinda weird to be honest, the guys slumming around were odd, but maybe I'm the weird one. Here I am, at a nudity festival, sitting all alone playing a children's game. After a bit of self-discovery, I found my way to the bathroom, and of course, the PRO-kémon trainer himself was in attendance. That's right guys, I met Evan Stone, THE Evan Stone, in the bathroom.
Jessie Hobson: Hey man, do you play Pokémon GO?
Evan Stone: Nah, man. Sorry.
JH: Well... then someone here is using your name and taking over gyms.
ES: (laughs) That was me.
JH: We totally took a gym.
ES: Which one are you? Is yours Tree Faces?
JH: (laughs) Yeah, I'm Jessie. I saw you on there and had to ask.
ES: Evan Stone. Your guy is pretty strong.
JH: Thanks. What level are you?
ES: Don't judge me. I only started playing last week. I think eighteen. What about you?
JH: I've been playing since a bit after launch, been sitting at twenty for a few weeks.
ES: Shit gets hard once you get up there. I've heard some horror stories.
JH: Lots of grinding. I just wish they would have kept the whole hunting element. It gave me, at the very least, an excuse to go outside.
ES: They'll probably bring that back. I hope so anyway. It's pretty addicting either way, but I get addicted to most good games.
JH: Like, what else do you play?
ES: Well, I play a lot. But, the last time I put this much time into a game was some of the earlier Call of Duty games.
JH: I liked the original ones too, but I feel like they've kinda...
ES: I hear ya, pretty weird these days. Not even really a war game anymore.
JH: If you haven't tried Red Dead Redemption, you should really check it out! It's like a... western Grand Theft Auto.
ES: I'll have to check it out as soon as I get bored with this Pokémon stuff.
So, while the TEXXXAS expo wasn't exactly as advertised, at least I was able to solve a mystery and chat with an adult film star about, among other things, an iPhone game. I really wanna chalk that up to being a decent Sunday, too bad it burns when I pee now.
Either way, I'll most likely attend again next year, I just hope I can find a new distraction that I can hold in my hand by then. Pun. Intended.