YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, BUTTHORN!
I was introduced to Steve Carver’s Bulletproof from 1988 via a clip of Gary Busey screaming this from some rafters before jumping down amidst a hail of machine gun fire. What exactly is a “butthorn?” Well, it’s the favorite invective utilized by Busey’s lead character Frank “Bulletproof” McBain. Other than that, who knows, and who cares? It’s hilarious when spat out from Busey’s famously toothy grin. For years, I’d been wanting to see the movie from whence this famous (amongst my friends) scene originated. I eventually found a cheap DVD on eBay and gave it a spin. It did not disappoint. May 13th is the 35th anniversary of the film's American release, so I hope you'll celebrate with me!
McBain is a devil may care loose cannon cop. We find this out right off the bat when McBain jumps into action against an entire platoon of heavily armed gunrunners (led by the always-welcome Danny Trejo in one of his trademark micro-villain roles). We soon find out the origins of McBain’s ironic nickname as he extracts a slug from his shoulder and places it in a glass with dozens of others. Eventually, after a roll in the hay with a requisite comely young lass, we find out that McBain used to be in the CIA or some black ops agency in the military or something.
Government agents, including Peckinpah regular RG Armstrong, need Captain Bulletproof to go on a secret mission to retrieve a futuristic tank called, I shit you not, “the Thunderblast,” from scary multicultural revolutionaries in Mexico. Don’t think too hard about the plot mechanism that allowed the tank to fall into their hands in the first place, as it makes no sense. Anyhow, McBain’s ex, the scrappy Captain Devon Shepard (the briefly omnipresent Darlanne Fluegel), was also captured, giving McBain no choice but to go in guns blazing.
Fan favorite Henry Silva plays the main baddie, a slimy Libyan (whatever, just roll with it) terrorist. We also get badass William Smith as a Russian major seeking to buy the tank, another Peckinpah regular in the form of grizzled LQ Jones, and Crocodile Dundee II vet Juan Fernandez as a trigger-happy thug.
Performances are about what you’d expect for this type of outing. Busey is never less than entertaining and embraces the ridiculous elements of the script. Silva may be underplayed his role a bit when he probably should’ve gone over the top for B movie glory, but he makes for a nice foil to our lead and his main costar. Speaking of Fluegel, she is fun as a take-no-shit soldier.
The screenplay is credited to TL Lankford and BJ Goldman (with story credits for Lankford and producer and low-budget god Fred Olen Ray). Despite a few head-scratching moments, the plot is perfectly serviceable for a B-action flick and allows room for the charisma of its legitimately impressive cast to bring it to life. Dialog is quippy and gives us gems like “Bird season’s over, butthorn!” I could’ve done without the rape sequence, as it brings an ick factor to what amounts to a fairly silly, though admittedly violent, popcorn muncher. Thankfully, it’s very brief.
Action sequences are a blast with solid old-school stunt work (we get a full body burn!) and many vehicle explosions. The Thunderblast (lol) looks sufficiently high-tech in a clunky ‘80s type of way. Its interior is reminiscent of a luxury sedan and even features a built-in coffee maker! No, I’m not joking. There are also other, obviously inferior, tanks, jeeps with machine gun mounts, and a helicopter. Truly, the film feels more prominent than its purported $5M budget.
Steve Carver’s Bulletproof is a goofy slice of low-budget ‘80s action cheese. I find it to be supremely satisfying. Invite some friends over, crack open some beers, don’t take it seriously, and I bet you’ll have a ball. Recommended for fans of Action Jackson, Point Break, and Above the Law.
Michael Cavender